Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?

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(518): View more from New York

you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed

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(661): View more from California

u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom

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(870): View more from Arkansas

To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.

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(440): View more from Ohio

I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife

(440): View more from Ohio

My tits sealed my fate

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(716): View more from New York

Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?

(716): View more from New York

If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love

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(812): View more from Indiana

Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day

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(901): View more from Tennessee

We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?

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