The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
two words...techno handjob
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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