I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Found the puke drawer
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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