Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize