everyone is single if you try hard enough
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
