They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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