just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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