I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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