i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't think brook has ever known best
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
