I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize