...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
