I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
