I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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