I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
