Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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