A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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