it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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