I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
