You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize