M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
