Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
