When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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