I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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