Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
