I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
