nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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