He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
