Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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