I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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