her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
