what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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