I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
