just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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