it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
