You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
