He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
