I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
