The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
