so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
