i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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