The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
