Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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