i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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