I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
