Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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