Who wears a wallet chain?!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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