So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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