She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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