All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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