Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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