how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
