I accidentally had phone sex last night
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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