I think my vagina is haunted
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize