Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
His nipple licking is glorious
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