I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize