It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
