Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
