somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize