it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize