I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
