Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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