even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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