she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize