wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i think my cat just said my name.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
