Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
