You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
