I just saw a hot homeless man
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
farters have to be the big spoon...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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