I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
