If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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