That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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