Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
