why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
