Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
