I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
