Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
