there's paper in my vomit.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
