dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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