you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I believe in your delicious
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
