i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
