Swine flu is the new snow day.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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