you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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