Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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