ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
