I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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