I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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