Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I have demons in me.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
