Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
