Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
