i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
