LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize