she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
