whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
