what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
