it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize