All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
