I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
