Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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