I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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