if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
