im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
