when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
