There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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