p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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