i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
