sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
