people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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