I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
