I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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