I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
