Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
